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Lotus guide column October 2012

Q: My friends socialize by drinking together. I wake up hung over and tired, but I don’t want to give up my buddies.

A: You can drink something healthy like half carbonated water and half juice. My bar drink is grapefruit juice. However, you probably won’t feel part of the group when they’re drunk and you’re not. It’s possible but not probable that you can set a good example for others in the group who don’t want to drink so much either. I would search for new fun activities that don’t involve drinking and realize you may need to spend less time with the drinkers. It helps to have someone you’re accountable to about sticking to your goals, so consider getting an AA sponsor and attending meetings to learn about alcoholism and see how other people solve the problem you face.

Q: Both my adult kids have health problems, so I worry about them a lot. How can I feel more positive?

A: We know that thoughts have power, as explained scientifically in Entangled Minds by Dean Radin, Ph.D., so worry isn’t helpful for anyone. Intention is the key to utilizing your thoughts and visualizations help focus intention. Visualize grounding and access to higher guidance, as taught in my one-day energy tools workshop. A short video teaches in “10 Rules for Being Human” that life is about learning lessons. [1] (www.youtube.com/watch?v=R_M3YUotuC0)

Q: I’d like to be part of a community that’s accomplishing something good. Can you suggest resources?

A: Email me for village resources including community gardens and transition communities.

Q: I’m attracted to younger fun ‘”bad boys,” who of course do not make reliable partners. There aren’t that many single men my age, so I feel stuck.

A: It only takes one. If we have a behavior pattern, then it’s about us not them. Do a John Bradshaw technique to access unconscious beliefs: Write a question with your dominant hand, “I associate grown-up men with ____.” Let your non-dominant hand write a response. Clear the negative associations—I can help with this.

Q: I feel guilt and sorrow over losses in my past, so it’s hard to enjoy the present. Any way to get over this pain?

A: When you feel the past pulling you back, physically walk backwards. Stop, take a deep breath, and walk forward with the intent of focusing on setting in motion in the present what you want to create in the future. Recite this mantra when you replay mistakes: “I’m human. I made a mistake. I resolve to learn from it. I forgive myself as Jesus said to forgive others.”

Q: I think I might be gay but my religious background says it’s sinful. Is it?

A: Our sexual preference is not a choice; it’s part of our physiology. The higher power loves all the creation. Jesus never commented on sexuality except to suggest focusing on salvation rather than the physical world. He also related with women as equals. There are many Old Testament teachings that we ignore such as an eye for an eye or the taboo against touching a person who is bleeding, or New Testament teachings that women should cover their heads (1 Corinthians 11:6). Check out GLBT support groups to find supportive religious groups.

Q: I’m in pain from a slipped disk. Besides seeing a doctor, anything I can do?

A: Try a Neuro Linguistic Programming pain meditation. Ask your back, what color is the pain? Shape? Color? Smell? Imagine carrying–say a red square screeching with a sulpher smell–to a tunnel. As you walk through it, everything changes, for example, to a green circle with the sound of Mozart and gardenia fragrance. As you get to the end of the tunnel, the green circle moves out away from you, getting fainter and fainter then disappears in a shimmer on the horizon. The idea is to change the senses along the pain pathway.

A British study found that meditation reduces the perception of pain, in addition to helping lower blood pressure, decreasing heart and respiratory rates, and increasing blood flow. Experienced meditators have unusual activity in the prefrontal cortex section of the brain. Another approach is author John Upledger, DO, has patients visualize the healthy outcome. Post a photo of healthy vertebrae with the intent of matching this image.

Cook with cayenne, ginger, turmeric, cinnamon and rosemary to calm inflammation. Eat flax or fish oils like cod liver oil for Omega-3s. Acupuncture helps some people. Check out Pain Free by Pete Egoscue.

Q: My husband and I deeply love each other and our three kids, but sex has dissipated. Is that OK?

A: Couples I interviewed for 50/50 Marriage reported that, after kids are born, romance burns out. The way to ignite it is to leave the house, on a weekly date or a weekend away. Parents can trade off kid-weekends to create adult time. Since pair bonding is based on the shared memories of good times, I would structure in time for courtship as you did when you first met. Reading erotic books out loud to each other can be fun and search the Internet for other ideas about how to spark romance.

Q: I want to get my feelings back and am going off anti-depressants. How can I cope?

A: To tackle depression naturally, enhance feel good neurotransmitters like Serotonin by exercising, taking supplements like SAMe and planning regular play time. Take action to make a positive difference in your community so you get a natural high. Understand the emotional causes such as feeling abandoned, not fitting in with your peers, or being unable to heal your parents’ pain. These old traumas can be cleared with energy psychologies like Emotional Freedom Technique (newsletter@eftuniverse.com). When you feel sucked into depression, think of a supportive wave gently but strongly moving you up on the shore. Check out http://www.moodcure.com and my Your Questions About Physical and Emotional Health.

Q: I’ve heard about Thieves essential oils to build my immune system. What are the ingredients?

A: Thieves includes cloves, lemon, cinnamon bark, eucalyptus radiata, and rosemary cineol essential oils, according to the Essential Oils Pocket Reference. The legend is that thieves used these herbs to stay healthy while robbing plague victims in the 14th century. I infuse the herbs and garlic in vinegar and separately in olive oil. I swish one or both of the infusions around in my mouth and they can be used in salad dressing.

Q: I’m in a custody battle with my ex-wife. She does everything she can to prevent me seeing my daughter. It’s very frustrating.

A: If you expect fairness, you’ll be continually disappointed and angry. Think like she does so you can anticipate her moves and stay centered, even be amused at her predictability. Relate to her as you would a two-year-old whose favorite word is “No.” Document all her violations of agreements to give to your attorney. If you can’t afford one, make an appointment with a free county court attorney from SHARP. Alienation of the child’s affection for a parent is illegal.

Q: My default mode is rush rush and adrenalin arousal even when I have time to relax.

A: Adrenal arousal has been called the most common addiction. Type A people who hurry and get irritated by delays are more likely to have heart attacks. Work with a coach to identify why you are locked into Type A behavior. Take a long exhalation that assists the calming parasympathetic system. Couple it with a daily routine such as brushing your teeth. Put a reminder sign on the bathroom mirror. When you shower let the water wash off the arousal habit and imagine bringing in a gold sun full of relaxation and your inner wisdom. Listen to calming music such as Bach and Mozart or new age music such as the Monroe Institute’s hemisynch. Do Brain Gym exercises crossing the midline of the body to get balanced. (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VL4an7UC3wA)

Q: I get in power struggles with my mother about who is right; we butt heads a lot, very unpleasant. How can I stop this?

A: Instead of being billy goats of the same height going after each other, go up and watch the scene like a lifeguard in her stand watching over swimmers. Enjoy telling her when you think she’s right and seeing the surprise on her face. Shift your image from being sumo wrestlers who don’t move very much to a fluid martial artist who deflects an attack rather than meeting it head on.

Q: I don’t have the money to get regular facials. How can I care for my face?

A: For a do-it-yourself facial, apply a cleanser, a Peel, a Scrub, a Mask.

Apply one and then wash off and apply next layer. I use MyChelle products.

http://www.iherb.com/MyChelle-Dermaceuticals. You can get $5 off 1st purchase with BAL069. Or you can make your own products as on

http://heaneyl.hubpages.com/hub/Homespun-Facial-Creams-and-Body-Butters

You can buy the raw ingredients from Mountain Rose

http://www.mountainroseherbsproducts.com/index.htm

Q: I feel like I don’t belong on this earth plane and don’t enjoy it. Any way to change this feeling?

A: I believe you chose to be born here for good reasons. While you’re awake, focus on manifesting your goals here: grow as a person, do service for others, and enjoy the beauty of the creation. Enjoy the higher dimensions when you sleep or choose to daydream.

Q: I’m drowning as a mother of a new baby who wakes me up all the time, how can I survive?

A: It takes a while to fall in love, even with your baby, but it will happen. It’s truly torture to be woken up when you’re tired. Line up friends to take the baby for a walk so you can nap: Use a sleep mask or bandana over your eyes so you can sleep when it’s light. In a choice between cleaning up or nap, pick the latter. Keep in mind the baby will sleep during the night when she starts eating solid food at around six months.

Other suggestions are to use a Snugli so you can walk around with her doing chores and going out. Check out http://www.nurturecenter.com/bonding.html. Start toddler sign language now. Read picture books to her even when she’s a baby. Get childrearing classics: Children the Challenge, and How to Talk So your Children Will Listen and How to Listen So your Children Will Talk.

Q: Lately I’ve been feeling as if I have no energy at all to do anything. All I feel like doing is sleeping. And the more I sleep the more tired I feel. I have never felt like this. I feel like my ex-boyfriend may still be impacting me and someway controlling my emotions still. How can I set myself free?

A: Remember that one of the stages of grieving is depression, which is often accompanied by sleeping a lot. Make sure you exercise and do fun activities to get the endorphins going. Just be aware of the stages as you move through them and back and forth. Be patient with yourself. Be prepared that once you detach emotionally an ex often tries to make contact.

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